I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
