I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
