I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
