Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
