I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
