id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
