I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
