I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
