He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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