currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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