I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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