actually, I'm a sock model
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
