i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
