it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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