i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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