Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
