wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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