I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
