my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
