I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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