ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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