omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
