You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
