hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
