I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
