Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
