Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you made out with another girl for some wings
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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