If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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