What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
