i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
