Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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