I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
