Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
worst night to have a conscience
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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