Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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