drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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