So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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