If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
