we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
