he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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