If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
