the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im on a boat
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