Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
