There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
