i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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