its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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