I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
