I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
