was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
