She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
