There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
